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Don’t believe the DNC hagiography — the Clintons are still corrupt and cynical

The first sign that night two of the Democratic National Convention would be a throwback was its first speaker: Virginia governor Terry McAuliffe, longtime consigliere to the Clintons and currently the subject of a Justice Department probe. Not scheduled to speak were other Clinton associates who have been investigated and indicted, such as Webb Hubbell and Jim Guy Tucker and Dan Lasater and Bill McCuen and Johnny Chung and Charlie Trie and Roger Tamraz and Jim McDougal and Susan McDougal and David Hale and Roger Clinton and Eugene Lum and Nora Lum and Marc Rich and Sandy Berger. But hey, they can always be penciled in for tonight.

McAuliffe is not a man who wastes time on frivolities—like being in the delivery room with his wife. No surprise, then, that as soon as Hillary locked down the Democratic nomination, he confirmed to Politico that she would be abandoning her opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership, a marquee cause at the Democratic convention. Talk about efficiency! It took Obama months if not years to break many of his key promises; it took Hillary about an hour.

The theme of night two at the DNC was “I Love the 90s,” with a former president and a former secretary of state stalking around backstage. But first, there was a carefully calibrated schedule to get through. Tom Harkin led delegates in a sign-language interpretation of the Circle of Life. Lena Dunham made it exactly nine words before she said “my body.” Howard Dean reprised his Dean scream from 2004 before leaving the stage with his eyes scrunched, grinning like a madman. One imagined him hours later with the same expression on his face as he drove a steamroller towards a residential area.

RELATED: Even Bill Maher can’t believe Bill Clinton’s shady, private meeting with Loretta Lynch

Also on deck was Mothers of the Movement, the grieving moms of young black men who have recently been killed, many of them unjustly, most of them by law enforcement. Still, unlike Republicans, who planted their flag firmly on the side of the police, the Democratic convention seemed determined to channel both sides of this culture war, even though Black Lives Matter sentiments ran hot with the crowd. “We are going to build a future where police officers and communities of color work together to keep children like Jordan safe,” said Lucia McBath, mother of slain Floridian Jordan Davis. As charges are dropped against the remaining officers in the Freddy Gray case, that task still looms before us.

Madeleine Albright emerged next to tout Hillary’s diplomatic record and bash Vladimir Putin’s broseph Donald Trump. And then Bill Clinton came bounding out, looking simultaneously lackadaisical and liable to suffer an aneurysm if he didn’t address a crowd soon. He began his speech with “In the spring of 1971, I met a girl.” I actually lunged at my TV: “No, Bill! Don’t go there!” But he was talking about Hillary, and proceeded to spend the next hour relaying her life story in picayune detail.

Bill is the Elizabeth Wurtzel of raconteurs, in that his favorite subjects are himself and his, and he’s incapable of getting them past preschool in fewer than 20,000 words. As he spoke, you found yourself unconsciously tuning in and out: Hillary worked at Yale New Haven Hospital…the preschool program she heard about in Israel…moving Chelsea into her dorm room…it was all splayed before us, with little discrimination between the relevant and irrelevant, made bearable only by the fact that Clinton is such a talented storyteller.

RELATED: Donald Trump rips into Megyn Kelly for questioning his judgment

It was also meticulously cherry-picked. Omitted was Hillary’s vote for the war in Iraq, the scuppered Russian “reset,” the Travelgate fiasco, the outrageous Marc Rich pardon — all in favor of Hillary the “Change Maker.” “You could drop her into any trouble spot, pick one, and come back in a month and she will have made it better,” Bill declared. One wonders how the people of Libya received that, given all the ethnic cleansing and ISIS executions they’ve undergone since Hillary convinced Barack Obama to topple Moammar Gaddafi. There was also plenty of awkwardness courtesy of America Ferrera, who had earlier surmised that “according to Donald Trump, I’m probably a rapist.” Bill Clinton is actually a rapist, at least according to the credible Juanita Broaddrick and the five witnesses who have corroborated her brutal story. After a night of sisterly solidarity, philandering Bubba was an uncomfortable clean-up act.

So the Democrats are winning the image battle and did a fine job of humanizing Hillary Clinton. But like those Vh1 nostalgia-fests, it was pure hagiography. The real Clintons, like the real 90s, were nowhere near that good.

This post is from RareRare. Click here to read the full text

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